Change, now that’s something I don’t handle gracefully. I like routine, it makes me feel more peaceful since my head isn’t a pro at being rational and calm. I am also a highly sensitive person, so change brings out all kinds of extreme emotions. Isn’t Jamie a lucky man?
Are you ready to hear about this massive change going on in my life? The suspense is killing you? You will never believe it, no one has ever gone through this before…my baby boy is turning one. I know. You’re impressed I’m still breathing and able to type. But seriously, time…WTF?! Time is the most mind boggling thing to me. I just graduated from college (15 years ago)! It’s so bizarre to be complaining about my huge belly, swollen everything and heartburn one minute to now sitting here tearful because my last baby is about to be a one year old. I started talking about him in days, then weeks, then months, and now the years begin. Wild.
I’m not romanticizing this past year, there are moments I’d rather not revisit, c-section recovery, cracked nipples (too much?) and sleepless nights I’m talking to you. But oh my word, the joys. The snuggles, the giggles, the firsts. Being able to be in the moment this time, because I wasn’t suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety. It was all so beautiful, maybe more so because of what I have been through.
Let’s now visit the topic of Charlie being last baby. Last is so final. That doesn’t feel good although it does make sense. I know in my mind it’s right but my heart has a longing that is probably just a permanent part of my make up. It’s not something I will dwell on (I hope) because I already have a family that I am very grateful for. Even though time can be a total bugger it also allows me to witness miracles. I’ve watched my babies learn to walk, talk, read, ride a bike, eat their first ice cream cones, say I love you. Thank you time, I know you are a gift even though I sometimes complain about you. When I look at Charlie I just can’t even. Hey, that’s catchy, feel free to borrow that phrase any time y’all. His chubby cheeks, soft brown eyes, fuzzy hair, all make me a puddle. He has also been a laid back and cuddly guy, he didn’t crawl until he was 10 moths old because he would rather be cuddled on a lap, be still my heart. He’s been so gentle and sweet. I know he can’t stay a baby forever and I am already seeing signs of toddlerhood which isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a change. Change is always going to come so I need to continue to deal with it in reasonable ways. Since taking to my cozy and safe bed for a couple weeks isn’t a realistic or healthy option I have adopted this mantra; “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Some folks attribute it to Dr. Seuss but I don’t think that’s a proven fact, although it does make me love it even more. I have zero tattoos but if my mantra was shorter I would seriously consider it. For now though, I have it printed on a mug.
Now back to my Charlie boy. I will love this precious guy forever and he will always be my cuddly little brown eyed baby boy (sorry Charlie’s future wife (or husband), I’d like to introduce myself, I’m your crazy mother in law who doesn’t deal well with change, welcome to the family, I’m sure this will be an easy transition).