The Real World: Wilmington

This is the true story … of four family members … who chose to move to the south … live together and have their lives blogged … to find out what happens … when people stop being polite … and start having babies … The Real World: Wilmington.

Search for Inner Peace May 17, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Christine @ 1:46 pm

I feel like our blog paints a picture of a seemingly as close to perfect family as there can be. And in many ways I do think my sweet family is perfection. I love being a mother and wife and think my kids and husband are the bees knees. But just like anyone else, we have our typical struggles…toddler tantrums, baby not sleeping through the night, husband and wife being too tired to make as much time for each other as we should, etc. But through all that, I’ve never doubted the love we feel for each other and I know that life seems to ebb and flow, sometimes throwing trials at you and other times letting things flow as smooth as can be.

Well, we are currently dealing with one of those difficult times. I say we because I know it’s affecting my whole family. I’ve always been predisposed to things like this, but right now I am having a serious battle with anxiety and depression, a double whammy. I knew it was coming on, I could tell things were getting worse, but I thought I could control it or at least continue plugging along, managing it myself.  I’ve never experienced it to this extent and it’s a scary thing to face. In typical Mommy fashion I feel incredibly guilty for what it’s doing to my babies, husband included. I know I need to focus on getting myself better but focusing on myself hasn’t been my steeze since my first name became Mommy.

I wish I could see into the future and know that I will come out of this and be totally fine, I think that would take away some of my worry, but right now in the thick of things it feels never ending. I wake each day wondering what’s in store and how I’m going to manage getting myself through the day. I’m giving as much as I’m capable of giving to my family right now, but it’s a struggle.   

I miss being able to do the things I enjoy like going out to eat, taking the kids to playdates, going shopping, spending time at the beach, picking Elly up from school…everything has become too difficult for me right now and that makes me sad. I have to hope this is temporary, I have to.

I use this blog to write about the things that are happening in our life and this is what we are currently dealing with. Not to say there haven’t been bright spots in the midst of it all and I will continue to try to post about those things as well. I appreciate the support of the family and friends who’ve known how much I’ve been struggling. I also feel for others out there who are going through or have been through this, it’s the pits. I think the fact that mental health issues feel so taboo to talk openly about make it all that much harder to go through, which is one of the things that motivated me to make this post. It’s exhausting trying to pretend that everything is fine. I don’t really pray a lot, but lately I find myself praying for inner peace. I hope I find it soon.

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11 Responses to “Search for Inner Peace”

  1. jessica Says:

    Christine, you are the most compassionate person I know. You are facing this struggle with such courage and self awareness. Thinking of you always & hoping you find some inner peace soon.

  2. Jodi Says:

    You are so strong Christine and I am so impressed by this post! Your loved ones should feel proud of the brave woman/wife/mommy/sister/daughter/friend that you are! Here’s to inner peace…thinking of you!

  3. Proud of you, sweetheart.

  4. Kristin Says:

    Christine you are a phenominal mother, wife, and friend. I know that you will overcome this battle, you always do. I am so impressed with your openess and ability to share what is going on in your life. it is a whole lot easier to share the happy things as opposed to the sad things, but i commend you. I too struggle with worry and anxiety at times, and it can feel very debilitating. Know that you have a friend in me and if you ever want to talk, i am always here to lend an ear. Hang in there, you are doing a great job! kristin:)

  5. Kelly Says:

    Love you Christine! You are so loved and supported as you struggle through this difficult time. I know you will get through it, and stronger and wiser than ever before. You are so brave for sharing your experience and you are definitely not alone. Sending you lots of happy thoughts and well wishes. Hang in there!

  6. New mommy Says:

    Christine,

    Your blog is very inspirational. It is amazing how much you accomplished and how dedicated you are to your children. I hope you do find your inner peace, but it takes take to find it. I find that one sometimes has to create its own inner peace. Take your time and your own pace.

  7. LM Says:

    Hi. We don’t know each other, but I used to know someone in your family. I’m not positive how I found your blog, but when I saw this post I felt like I should write.

    I am praying that you find the inner peace you need and deserve. I have gone through this same situation with depression [although sans children] and I know how horrible of a struggle it can be.

    Please have faith and keep your head up, remembering to ask for help if you need it. You seem to have a great network of family and friends; please rely on them and know that it WILL get better.

    God bless.

  8. Christine Says:

    Thanks for all the sweet comments…I am working on getting better and all your words of encouragement can only help me. I appreciate the support and hopefully soon enough I will be able to enjoy my wonderful life again.

  9. Emily Says:

    Christine,

    I always love looking at your blog! I was touched to read about what you are going through right now and for sharing so candidly. It is sure to help others know that they are not alone. I know how it feels. I have also gone through similar struggles and about five years ago it got so bad that I could barely get up out of bed. At the end of each week I couldnt remember how I managed to get through each day! (Keep in mind, I am single with no kids). Finally, I had to go and see someone and that didnt help, so I did resort to using a low dose of medication. It changed my life! You can and WILL get better. Whatever route you take know there are so many thinking of you and have been there. 🙂

  10. Kim Says:

    Christine, You are so brave for coming forward. Prayers and good thoughts are not enough.

  11. Graeme Says:

    Christine- I just read your post and it takes so much courage to open yourself up online. Thank you for your honest comments. I know many moms in the same boat as you. That said, you are one of those super moms and I hope you are starting to feel better. I’m so glad you have Jamie. Your family is lucky to have you. And I feel lucky to have you as a friend. Love g


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